Daydreaming in Class Pt. 2

Sept. 22, 2009

How do I feel right now? Well at this exact moment I feel slightly uplifted thanks to four mop-top British boys. Overall I feel hopeful. I don't regret a single second of my life, nothing. Nothing anyone has done to me, or anything I've done or said. It has led me exactly to where I am now and that's a beautiful thing. I can only do what I've always done; hold my head high and look to the future. Eleanor of Aquitaine rode into battle pregnant and bare-breasted; I think I can handle things.
I support everything I've ever done or said. When I say or do things I truly mean them and will never compromise what I believe on a large scale. I am preparing to become more of who I truly am than I ever have been. I live, at this point, completely without regret.

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Daydreaming in Class Pt. 1

During class monday there was nothing going on and like most days my mind got the best of me.
This is something I jotted down during class...

Sept. 21, 2009

I find it fascinating that when I initially view things with the side of my mind that is crafted to follow the core of the culture I often laugh or think them ridiculous. This reaction occurs because the majority of the population suffers from a lack of self-esteem, and thus go out of their way to push others down in order to feel value. This method of lifting oneself up is highly contagious and continues out of basic purpose as well as familiarity. However when I evaluate things more closely with my own mind I truly find them beautiful.
The degree to which passion is scorned in my generation is disgusting. Putting your heart into something is viewed as eccentric and pointless. It could be related to the fact that as the earth ages the amount of hope it contains gradually diminishes. In my perspective passion is indescribably captivating!

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And Another Thing...

     A lot of times people don't do or say things because they're afraid of the reactions they'll get. I'm not perfect and I would be lying if I told you that I'll react the way you want me to for everything. But I'm a whole lot more open than I seem. You could tell me anything and I would still love you. I just want people to be comfortable with me. Goodnight.

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Check, check, check...

Here's a thought I had a couple of days ago... Do I look like an idiot every time I step out my front door? Kind of a daunting thought when you put it like that.

Allow me to explain. People do or do not dress to your approval. Admit it, you couldn't believe that lady at the mall yesterday would go out in public dressed like that and you looked down on her for it. Ok, well maybe not that exact scenario but something like it. When people don't dress to our standards we not only look down upon them but sometimes we even think them less intelligent.

Have you ever considered that people view you in this light as well? Really chew this through. This can obviously pertain to more than clothing choice but I chose it as my example because it is often the first way people interpret you.

Well if you think Sally Sweatpants looks bad and Mr. Paisley Tie is a twit, then who's to say that anyone is or isn't "in style," or better yet level-headed. Who decides those that are "normal" (for lack of a better word) from those that aren't. One might say it's Fashion Designers or Scholars, but can they really be responsible for judging humanity.

So after we've just establishing that what you look like, or what you say or do doesn't matter, we're all still going to wake up tomorrow and try to look like that magazine model or act like that guy that catches everyones attention, even though it's pointless.

We're all trapped in a horrible cycle of realizing other people's opinions don't matter and yet abiding by them anyway. It's quite frustrating really.

That was just my two cents for the week.

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From the Heart or the Mind?

     When people say love is a choice they really mean it. I always thought I understood what that meant, but I really had no clue. To me it meant acknowledging that you love someone. Nope, that's not what it means at all. The concept that you have to decide to love someone really comes down to whether you'll choose to love them even when you wish they were on another planet. I've decided that I don't love people consistently. Hear me out, this is about to get confusing but hopefully you'll understand my point.

     

To me, love is a feeling... but when you're upset with someone that you have that feeling for, it goes away. That is the point when you choose how much you care about them and continue to support and take care of them anyway. That whole process is true love in my eyes. This can happen with anyone... friends, family, spouses... etc.

     I thought this entry would be longer but I guess not. 

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Brainiacs? I think not.

     Why do people feel so easily forfeit their minds? I mean, you were born with free will and the ability to think freely and make your own decisions, so why would you give that up?

     I guess I just feel like people care too much about how their viewed by the world and they don't want to undergo the absolute trauma of disagreeing with someone. You know you've seen it yourself... when two people are talking and the one with more confidence makes a statement followed by the more insecure person agreeing even though you know that they don't agree at all. Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying that I never fall into this trend of mindlessness, I have and I will in the future as well.

     I know it's part of life but lately it's just really been getting on my nerves. I hate how people don't wear what they really want to, or make decisions that they just get pressured into. It especially bothers me when people let others tell them how to practice their faith. You have a brain! Figure out what you believe for yourself. In my opinion it's better to make a truckload of mistakes trying to figure out who you are and what you believe than to live by someone else's standards and live in a bubble your whole life. 

     I've recently become aware of how natural mistakes are. I've always been so concerned about never messing up that I wasn't who I wanted to be, I was living inside the box after I'd told so many people to live outside the box. Pretty hypocritical of me huh? Sometimes it does one good to step out of your comfort zone, go new places, meet new people, see new things, and let your mind expand. 

     I feel like this has and is going to continue to be a great year for me. Growing up and deciding what I really think. 

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The Secret Lives of Adults

I feel kind of embarrassed that I've just now realized this but... adults are people too! 

Seriously though, I've always seen my parents as just parents, or my teachers as just teachers. Lately I've realized that that's part of what they do but it's not who they are. I feel like I'm doing a crappy job of explaining this. 

I was reading a book a few weeks ago and the narrator told her therapist that she wanted to tell her own children to f* off. I didn't know how to take that. I guess I've always seen the side my mentors intended for me to see... but not anymore! Although viewing people like this makes life... less like fantasyland, it at also gives me a new appreciation for these people because I realize that they are a lot more like me than I would have thought. It's taken little comments or actions over some months for me to finally come to this conclusion. I do feel quite naive for not completely seeing this before but I thought I would share my finally developed discovery.

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