From the Heart or the Mind?

     When people say love is a choice they really mean it. I always thought I understood what that meant, but I really had no clue. To me it meant acknowledging that you love someone. Nope, that's not what it means at all. The concept that you have to decide to love someone really comes down to whether you'll choose to love them even when you wish they were on another planet. I've decided that I don't love people consistently. Hear me out, this is about to get confusing but hopefully you'll understand my point.

     

To me, love is a feeling... but when you're upset with someone that you have that feeling for, it goes away. That is the point when you choose how much you care about them and continue to support and take care of them anyway. That whole process is true love in my eyes. This can happen with anyone... friends, family, spouses... etc.

     I thought this entry would be longer but I guess not. 

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Brainiacs? I think not.

     Why do people feel so easily forfeit their minds? I mean, you were born with free will and the ability to think freely and make your own decisions, so why would you give that up?

     I guess I just feel like people care too much about how their viewed by the world and they don't want to undergo the absolute trauma of disagreeing with someone. You know you've seen it yourself... when two people are talking and the one with more confidence makes a statement followed by the more insecure person agreeing even though you know that they don't agree at all. Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying that I never fall into this trend of mindlessness, I have and I will in the future as well.

     I know it's part of life but lately it's just really been getting on my nerves. I hate how people don't wear what they really want to, or make decisions that they just get pressured into. It especially bothers me when people let others tell them how to practice their faith. You have a brain! Figure out what you believe for yourself. In my opinion it's better to make a truckload of mistakes trying to figure out who you are and what you believe than to live by someone else's standards and live in a bubble your whole life. 

     I've recently become aware of how natural mistakes are. I've always been so concerned about never messing up that I wasn't who I wanted to be, I was living inside the box after I'd told so many people to live outside the box. Pretty hypocritical of me huh? Sometimes it does one good to step out of your comfort zone, go new places, meet new people, see new things, and let your mind expand. 

     I feel like this has and is going to continue to be a great year for me. Growing up and deciding what I really think. 

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The Secret Lives of Adults

I feel kind of embarrassed that I've just now realized this but... adults are people too! 

Seriously though, I've always seen my parents as just parents, or my teachers as just teachers. Lately I've realized that that's part of what they do but it's not who they are. I feel like I'm doing a crappy job of explaining this. 

I was reading a book a few weeks ago and the narrator told her therapist that she wanted to tell her own children to f* off. I didn't know how to take that. I guess I've always seen the side my mentors intended for me to see... but not anymore! Although viewing people like this makes life... less like fantasyland, it at also gives me a new appreciation for these people because I realize that they are a lot more like me than I would have thought. It's taken little comments or actions over some months for me to finally come to this conclusion. I do feel quite naive for not completely seeing this before but I thought I would share my finally developed discovery.

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Cut and Dry

I want to inspire people! It doesn't matter how... photography, art, music, books... I see people I do and don't know doing all these things and they just inspire me. I want to be someone that can do something to inspire other people. 

.Bottom Line.

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Brainwashing

"Have you gotten your anti-brainwash vaccination yet? "

I feel like that's what I should be hearing next time I visit the doctor. Maybe I haven't been paying attention before but it seems to me that's it's spreading like a disease. I can somewhat understand teenagers acting this way... the desire to fit in and have friends, but middle-aged adults? Seriously? 

I find it highly irritating that grown adults can ditch their families, go out constantly, and then post pictures on the internet like adolescents! It seriously disgusts me. I feel like so many people have no idea who they are because they're just trying so hard to impress other people.

     Don't get me wrong, I am by no means saying that I haven't fallen prey to acting outside of my own character. I just wish more people could accept the fact that people are weird. Everyone is different and you don't have to fit into a certain mold to have friends. I think people who aren't cookie cutter shapes are a hell of a lot more interesting anyway.

Well, besides all of that. This weather is doing a lot for my motivation. My room has been spotless, I've started exercising, eating healthier, and my art is certainly prospering. I love it. I just feel inspired all the time, like I'm the star of some incredible indie film with brilliant music playing in the background. My weekend is lined up with a concert, an amusement park, and some quality time with my family and fantastic boyfriend. Now I'm off to study for my Criminal Justice final exam... it will be great once it's over. Since it's a college class tomorrow is my last day, meaning that the rest of the semester I don't have to come into school until 9am because I'll no longer have a first block.

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Spring is Here!

I am so excited about the weather! It's a beautiful 66 degrees and sunny with a slight breeze. It makes me ready for change. I feel like shopping, going swimming, cutting my hair, and driving at night with the windows down and a smoothie:) Speaking of which I have a hair appointment in about an hour; just a trim. 

I'm ready for summer and the end of school. I'm sick of being with the same people day in and day out. Let's take a weekend trip to New York City or L.A. Who's with me?

This kind of cheery weather really motivates me; my room is constantly clean, I'm eating better, I get out more, and I'm working on the love of my life on a daily basis... art. 

Right now I'm illustrating a book my former German teacher wrote as a birthday present. It's very sweet and completely in Deutsch. I love it. I really need to post photos of some of my artwork... I'll get to that soon. 

Next on the list for pieces: A charcoal (or something of the like) drawing of a beautiful man I know and feeling very Daisy-esque the God-like eyes of Doctor T.J. Eckleburg in acrylic will probably be in the works in the near future. All of these are of course subject to change. I change my mind about things on a daily basis. For instance; I already disagree with my last post. Oh well:) I love being so spontaneous, that's why I am the way I am.

Well of to an art showing and my hair appointment.

Happy Weather Week!

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Upon Becoming a Junior...

    I guess there is some unwritten law that says, kids don't have to know what they want to do with their life until their a Junior and then they have to know immediately. I don't know what kind of answer people are expecting me to pull out of my butt on the spot, but suddenly the all-important question is "So... where are you going to go to college?"     

   Maybe there's a College Fairy that flies around and puts college brochures under your pillow once your 16, but apparently I missed the boat. 

    Here are some responses I've come up with. 1. "Well I hear the Marines are looking to recruit." (Nah, too boring) 2. "The satanic school of Lucifer is offering really good scholarships, so that's a definite possibility." 3. Improv - I'm thinking this is going to be the winner.

     Well thanks to the rest of the world trying to force adulthood on me, I have been thinking about college and if everyone is really so concerned they can check out the links I've posted below.

-The following three are rather local colleges 

I could go to for my freshman year:

NKU

(This is where I'm currently taking classes and 

will probably spend my freshman year of college.)

CCAD

(Art school in Columbus)

Art Institute of Cincinnati

-I plan on moving out of state as soon as possible, and this college has really caught my eye. Hopefully I will be visiting over spring break:

James Madison University

(Harrisonburg, VA)

Here is the art department

    Well yes, right now that is where my head is at. For now I'm thinking major in art, maybe double major in art and psychology. We'll see. I really don't mind so much that everyone is asking, I just wish someone could have warned me that everyone would be expecting my life plan this year.

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